un·cer·tain·ty
Spelled[uhn-sur-tn-tee]
–noun,plural-ties for 2.
1. the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy.
2. an instance of uncertainty, doubt, etc.
3. unpredictability; indeterminacy; indefiniteness.
4. the state of my life at this moment.
You know we’re moving, right?
Packing up, heading west?
To scale some mountain peaks?
Oh, and for Buzz to start a new job?
If you haven’t heard before…well, yes ma’am (sir) we sure are! Buzz has accepted a transfer to do a clean-up job at a resort at the top of Tod Mountain, a quaint alpine resort just north of Kamloops, BC.
I’m thrilled for this move not only because the West is the Best, but also the fact that Buzz was tapped for this opportunity means the work he has done here on the sandbar is being recognized by those important people that count…you know…the ones that sit in their office towers in the centre of the universe and decide the fates of people below them? Those people have Buzz on their radar and it’s a very good thing.
So yes, a couple of months ago the call came: “We need you. We want you. We must have YOU. Because YOU and only YOU can save the universe from collapsing in upon itself. Oh, and because you did such a good job on the sandbar, we want MORE of your YOUness in the west.”
The decision to go wasn’t hard. Aside from 30-days of pro’ing and con’ing, the choice to list our house, quit my job, load up the Dude & the Midget and make tracks west really wasn’t tough at all.
It’s all the OTHER stuff that came along with that one decision that’s filled our lives with so many “uhn-sur-tn-tees”.
We had some friends for dinner Saturday night and as our move is (theoretically) impending rather quickly of course the conversation turned to us and our plans. They had lots of questions:
Them Us
Q1 “So, when exactly are you leaving?” "um, don’t know."
Q2 “When do you start there?” "um, don’t know that either."
Q3 “How long will it take you to get across country” “depends on the answer to Q1 & Q2”
Q4 “Where will you live” “um, not sure”
Q5 “What will you be doing, Kim?” “uh, don’t really know”
Q6 “Where will you spend Christmas?” “hopefully not in a tent, but don’t
really know”
Q7 “What will you do with your house if it doesn’t sell?”“REALLY don’t know”
Q8 “How long do you think you’ll live there?” “beats me”
And so it went for over four hours.
Sigh.
It’s hard to make plans when you don’t have answers to some of life’s most basic questions. And you all know, I’m a girl who always likes to have a plan.
I’m trying to look at this time before our move west as a real growth opportunity for me. Not having a plan buttoned down means I’m trying not to control every little contingency. It means an opportunity for me to take a deep breath and just go with the flow. It’s a chance to really test my ability to not eat away my anxiety. (So far, so good, if you don’t count the big bag of Hallowe’en candy I just bought for my “students” nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
Someone’s Facebook status update recently said: “let go, let go, let go some more.”
It’s becoming my mantra as we approach the end of our time here on the sandbar.
Let go, let go, let go…some more.
