Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Yesterday in History

Yesterday was a very big day in the world of pop culture with the funeral of Michael Jackson.  Just like when Princess Diana got married and then later died, the whole world tuned in to watch the ceremony of laying the king of pop to rest.  While I could watch the events unfold live along with the rest of the world, the one whom I adore had to work.  So to ensure he didn't miss anything I live updated him throughout the 2.15 hour event.  

Following are excerpts written to the one whom I adore.  While I realize someone has died and the world has lost a great entertainer, none of my comments are meant to minimalise that.  All comments are simply my observations of the memorial - things that struck me as interesting...or odd...or both.

2:06 PM
It's a star-studded line-up of celebrities that will honour Him. Kobe Bryant? WTF?
Also, Lionel Richie will lead a big chorus of We are the World.  Cool - I've always liked that song.  I'm sure it will be very moving.

2:14 PM
Smokey Robinson is reading condolence letters from Nelson Mandela and Diana Ross

2:35 PM
A gospel choir is singing and they just rolled in the coffin. The pallbearers are all wearing one white glove.

The casket is gold.

2:37 PM
people are screaming out "we love you Michael" while the pastor is speaking. Very uncouth.

2:40 PM
Mariah Carey is singing "I'll Be There" 

And not very well, either, if you ask me.

2:46 PM
Queen Latifah is speaking now...representing "the fans". She's doing the "robot".

Odd

2:51 PM
Actually Queen Latifah was pretty good...she read a poem Maya Angelou wrote. Now, Lionel Richey is singing....some song about Jesus is Lord - he won't let you down

2:56 PM
here's this gospel choir singing back up for Lionel. Two things: it's an all black choir EXCEPT for the platinum blonde in the front row who stands out like a platinum blonde in a sea of black people

Plus, there's a guy in the back of the choir who looks so angry he looks like he'd just as soon hit  someone.

Now some guy with a lisp is speaking. Oh, it's Berry Gordy - isn't he the former mayor of Washington who was just served with a stalking supoena? Oh, no, he's the head of the Motown record label - my bad.

I'm bad. Who's bad?

Interesting side note. Jermain Jackson has a son named Jermajesty. I shit you not.

3:04 PM
Berry Gordy went on and on and on about how he made the Jackson 5 what they were. Maybe he did make them stars...but really, is this the time to make that point?

And he kept saying Michael Jack-thon (lisp). The undithputed king of pop...a kid who fulfilled his wildeth dreamth.

They just panned to a wide shot of the Jackson brothers - all in black suits with yellow ties and red rose boutenniere and dark sunglasses inside the dark arena.

Now they're running a montage of his videos and the crowd is going CRAZY.

3:10 PM
They're running this thing commercial free - that's gotta be costing a pretty penny to the networks.

Stevie Wonder just came out. At least it makes sense that he's wearing sunglasses inside the arena.

He really should just shave off that mullet of dreads he's sporting. He's singing some song he wrote that Michael recorded but I've never heard. He's singing out of tune. 

3:17 PM
God that Stevie Wonder song was LONG and depressing. More like a dirge than a song.

Now Kobe Bryant & Magic Johnson are speaking about Michael being a humanitarian.

According to the folks at NBC News Kobe and Michael were "great friends".

Jesus Magic Johnson is one big mo-fo.

3:20 PM
I guess Magic was in an MJ video "Remember the Times". Who knew?

According to Magic, MJ loved eating KFC. 

So yeah, you and Michael have The Colonel in common.

3:24 PM
Jennifer Hudson is singing one of his songs now.

When Kobe and Magic were done speaking the Jackson 4 got up to give them a big hug. The camera got a shot of his kids - they're a little odd looking.

The background choir is step dancing and signing the words of the song. Shit, now they're dancing in a circle around Jennifer Hudson while a voice-over of Michael plays in the background. Creepy!

He may just pop out of that coffin yet!

3:28 PM
According to Al Sharpton Michael was a civil rights god. A leader in breaking down barriers.

I might have to remove myself to the bathroom instead of listening to this.

3:30 PM
Did you know that because of Michael Jackson Oprah got to be on TV and Tiger got to play golf? And EVERYONE got to vote for a black man for president.

The sound you hear is  vomit exploding from my mouth.

3:36 PM
Now the only white guy to grace the stage so far - John Mayer is playing electric guitar - MJ's "human nature"

BORING.

3:45 PM
Brooke Shields is speaking now and can hardly control her tears. Very sincere. Very real. She used to give him shit about the one glove thing.

So far her and Magic Johnson seemed the most genuine. Lots of others seem to be there for the show of it.

3:49 PM
Whew. that was emotional!

Okay, next up on the cavalcade of stars is Jermajesty's Dad, Jermain Jackson singing MJ's favourite song "Smile though your heart is aching".

I think it's pretty cool he can keep it together enough to sing at his brother's service.

BTW, in addition to the black suits/yellow ties/red roses all the brothers are wearing one sequined glove.

3:53 PM
Okay, Jermain struggled through that one. Now all the other brothers are giving him the love. They look like the mafia. 

Now up: Martin Luther King III?!? WTF??

4:00 PM
Those MLK children took what seemed forever to get through their sermon. The sister is a better speaker than MLK III.

Surely it's got to be over soon?

Just noticed Gidget shit on the deck at some point. Guess the grass is too long for her little princess ass.

Oh my god, some woman is now speaking on behalf of the Congress of the United States of America!

4:04 PM
That broad needs to  give the stage over to someone else. Maybe time for another song!

Hey, today's our 3 year anniversary!  Happy Anniversary Honey!  Who'd have thought 3 years ago that we'd be doing this today?

4:09 PM
Oh good, it IS song!
Sung by Usher!

Another guy not blind but wearing shades in doors. WTF?

Nice song though "Gone too soon"

Funniest Tweet on Twitter so far: "When will we know the memorial is over and the circus has begun?"

True, so true!

4:13 PM
Usher is singing to the casket. 

He broke down trying to sing the last note. Finally took his damn shades off. Getting the love from the brothers and Janet & LaToya. Then he went to give condolences to MJ's momma. Camera pans to a wide shot where you can see MJ's kids.

His kids looked bored by the whole thing.

Now playing a video of the Jackson 5 where Michael looks like a little pimp.


4:20 PM
If this doesn't end soon, you might not be getting dinner tonight. Plus, it's cutting into critical Y&R time.

Smokey Robinson back on stage reminiscing about how MJ took one of his songs and sang it better then he did. Seems a little chapped still after 40 years.

Ah, time for another song. This time by some 10 year old kid singing some blues song. Shaheen Jafargholi is his name - ever heard of him?

4:29 PM
Kenny Ortega - producer of his upcoming concert tour also put together today's memorial. He's on stage now telling everyone how they pulled it off on such short notice. For F-sake, the guy has been dead for 12 days...

Giving a big plug to the Staples Centre for hosting.

Some scary google-eyed guy singing the opening to We are the World. I think they're from the back-up choir. Oh, no, they're from the cast of the now never-to-be-seen London show.

This is the Big Finale. All the celebs are making their way to the stage to sing along. Big love fest. I notice no one is giving a microphone to any of the remaining Jacksons.

Now a group of children is coming out on stage singing Make this a Better Place. Nice touch.

4:36 PM
It's OVER...except for all the commentating that I'm sure will start at any moment.

Only one teary-eyed moment for me and that was when Brooke Sheilds was fighting back tears.

Guess you'll get dinner after all!

Oh WAIT. The family is taking the mic one-by-one crying and such - yikes, don't think this was scripted!

4:41 PM
Sweet Jesus, they let his daughter speak. Wrenching.

4:45 PM
Some clarity:

Shaheen Jharagolhi (or whatever) was the runner up from Britain's Got Talent and was supposed to be on tour with MJ for the London shows.

NBC Commentators liked Brooke Shields best too.

Theme of many speeches seems to be that MJ was a "victim" ... maybe now "they'll leave him alone".

Not bloody likely.