What Not to Wear?

Okay internetters, I need some help here.  I have an event to attend in a few weeks and I've been in wardrobe trauma...And because all my girlfriends are scattered throughout North America and because Buzz thinks I look great in a potato sack - I need opinions...opinions that matter...opinions that are informed...give it to me now!

I've combed the limited shops & boutiques on here on the sandbar and so far, the best option for a lady-like, summer, late-afternoon but into the evening type of event dress is this:

Nice, huh?  Conservative?  Yup.  Fits like a glove - you bet.  I mostly like it.  Although it wasn't really what I had envisioned wearing to the soiree.  It is...how do you say... "okay".

I'm escaping the sandbar  for a last-ditch shopping trip to a larger (but not any more cosmopolitan) metropolis where, if I find something better suited then this little frock will be sent back from whence it came and I'll wear the new thing, if there is one to be found.

But, if I don't.

If I don't?

Will these shoes work with that dress?

  

I'm just asking...'cause I'd rather not have to try to find shoes on this little island, where the concept of trendy and fun usually means polka dot and striped MacIntosh rubber boots.  It's what happens when you live in the country, surrounded by cows, pigs and lots and lots of red mud.  Polka dot striped rubber boots.  Christien Laboutan?  Manolo Blanik?  Anne Klein even?  Not a chance.  Polka dot striped rubber boots.  You can see the problem can't you?

Hit the comments button and let me know your thoughts:

Yes, the cow-hide offers a nice fashion tension to contrast the conservative nature of the creme dress

No, what are you thinking mixing animal hide with raw silk?  I know you live in the land of cows & pigs, but really!

Pain in the Ass

She was having such a good week.  She went from being Gidge the Hippy...

...to a day at the beauty parlour and a new fresh 'do for summer...

(isn't she cute?)

...to being an emergency room patient all in the span of about 48 hours.

Poor Gidgey.

Something wicked this way came.

And took a bite out of her ass.

And now, she's just pathetic.

As is evidenced by this:

pick me up...please??

And this:

see how sad I am?  not to mention sore?

And this...

nothin' like a warm shoulder to lie on

So here's what happened.  Late on Friday night, on the last just-before-bed-piddle-run the two dogs encountered an intruder on our property.  Rather than doing the sensible thing...like running back to our door and asking to be let back in, our two adventure-seekers sought out the intruder to say "hey, what the hell?  this is OUR yard!  get out!"

The intruder must have thought he'd hit the jackpot - spying a rascally rabbit running through the yard at 10:30 at night - can you say frickasee??

Alas, it wasn't rabbit.  It was Gidget.  

I opened the door to call the dogs back in and all I could hear were the blood-curdling screams of our little dog being attacked  by what we think might have been a fox.  Or a coyote.  Or a really bad ass raccoon.  But most likely a fox.  The sounds of her screams have been seared into my memory for life.  I hope I never hear anything like it ever again.

I bolted blindly into the pitch black yard, screaming to the dogs to come and that's when the 10-pounds of fury kicked in and Gidge wrassled her way free from the jaws of death and came tearing toward me, leaping into my arms.  I only realized once I got them back inside that Gidge was bleeding all over my pretty apple green cardigan that I like to wear so much.

Poor Buzz.  He wasn't even here for all the excitement.  Stuck in the hotel as manager on duty all he got was a panicked phone call from me screaming "Gidge has been attacked and she's bleeding all over me - meet me at the emergency room - we're on the way!!!"  Click.

That's gotta be a hard way to wake up out of a dead sleep.

So, I bundled the battered, bruised and bloody girl up and drove to town - what normally takes 20-25 minutes to drive only took 13 on Friday night.   Funny that.

Unlike a people hospital, the emergency room at the veterinarian hospital isn't open 24-hours a day.  But we lucked in because a very tired intern was just finishing up with another patient and just about to head home as I careened into the parking lot on two wheels.  Even though we had no appointment (which by the way - isn't that contrary to the whole concept of "emergency" patient?) he took us in and inspected the damaged little dog.

Adrenaline is a funny thing.  It kicks in in the case of emergency and once it's coursing through your system you feel like superman.  So there was our bloody superman-girl-dog walking around the exam room with her gaping wound, but acting like nothing was wrong.  She was so hopped up on the hormones she didn't feel any pain.  She was, however, scared to death having just survived an attack from behind and escaping the jaws of death.

The young doc cleaned her up, sent us home with a prescription for possible infection and the advice that perhaps it's a good idea to keep the dogs on a leash at night, especially at this time of year when all the other varmints are feeling particularly frisky.  Right.  Got it.

Ever since our Friday Night Fright the Gidge has been attached to me - literally.  She has not left my lap or shoulder for two days.    Funny that this little dog, who only has eyes for Buzz really is a mama's girl when it comes down to it.  Funnier still?  I always thought that in a fight  my money would be on the Gidge.   Nice to know that when the chips are down she can hold her own.

Wanna Go?

Ah, springtime in Paris.  Who wouldn't want to go?

Cock a Doodle Doo - A Recipe for You!

So, we have this favorite dish in our house - it's one of those standby suppers that's quick and easy to make, is plenty healthful and loaded with fresh vegetables.  I flavor it up with citrus and Thai Chili Sauce  -  yum, yum, yum.  From a WeightWatchers perspective, it's practically a "free" meal because you only count the chicken - everything else has a zero point value - so...you catch my drift?  Lots of food for not so many points makes this WeightWatcher very happy.  Follow along with me if you will.

First - Assemble your zero point vegetables...

What I have assembled here is broccoli, red, green, yellow peppers, celery and...

Fennel.  You may know it as Anise.  All I know is I LOVE it!  I love it so much I tried to grow it in my garden last year.  It doesn't grow so well on PEI, and all I ended up with were these little tiny baby Fennels that had a lot of peppery kick to them.  But this big boy I got from the local SuperStore where the price has gone up from $1.29 each back in March 2007 to $2.49 now-a-days.  Holy crap.  Here are the things I love about Fennel, though:   it's a great base for a soup; it tastes amazing in a salad and, when you add it to a stir-fry, well, it gives your veggies a crisp and clean (and slightly black licorice-smelling) taste.  I highly recommend it.

Okay, so chop your veggies into bite-size pieces, like so:

Oh, and because I love Buzz and he loves these, I also include a batch of these...

even though they smell (and taste) like dirt even after you cook them.

Okay, then while we have the knife out, let's chop some Italian parsley and a couple of cloves of garlic, like so...

 

Before we put the knife away, we'll slice two seasoned chicken breasts into bite-size pieces...

And then throw 'em into the frying pan and saute until golden.  Meanwhile, get the citrus ready...

Once the chicken is sauteed, add the zest and juice of an orange, a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice and a healthy dose of the secret ingredient...

That's orange blossom water.  Heaven in a bottle.  A few drops will do the trick - it adds a floral bouquet to the dish, causing you to ask...what the hell is that?  That, folks is orange blossom water.  Pick it up at your local international food store.

Meanwhile, pre-heat a saute skillet for your veggies and throw those babies onto the fire!  

Okay, so before we continue, let's recap exactly where we are.  So far we've chopped a variety of healthy vegetables and sauteed sliced chicken until golden brown.  We've added some citrus in the form of orange zest, juice and the secret ingredient, orange blossom water.  Next up, we stir fried our vegetables and now...now... it's time for some heat.  

Add a heaping dose of your favourite Thai Chili Sauce.  Any brand will do.  In our house we like:

Oh, you didn't see the brand?  Let me give you a better look:

Still can't see the brand?  How about this shot?

That's right folks.  In our house when we make chicken stir fry we use "Cock Brand" Thai chili sauce.  Now, I'm a marketer from waaaaayyyyy back in my career but I just cannot conjure up a scenario where I would be choosing my brand name for anything short of a condom or naughty sex toy where the word "Cock" just makes so much sense to me.   But the people at Cock Brand?  They want to make sure you know their sauce is Cock Sauce...look at the lid on the bottle for crying out loud!!

Oh, I laugh 'til I cry every time I make stir-fry.

Okay, back to the recipe - throw a heaping serving of chili sauce into the skillet - then add the vegetables and toss to combine.  Meanwhile, get the table set.  A pretty setting, complete with napkin rings...

And plate that chicken & veg up.  Sprinkle with fresh parsley on top to finish.

Before sitting down to dinner, remind the big dog it's your dinner and not his...

Notice the difference in serving sizes between mine & Buzz's plates?

Recipe:

Assorted vegetables, chopped (broccoli, peppers, celery, fennel, smelly bean sprouts)

Italian Parsley, two cloves garlic, minced

Juice & zest of one orange

2 tbsp orange blossom water

2 tbsp lemon juice

4 tbsp Thai chili sauce (sweet)

Method:

Chop vegetables & slice chicken into bite-size pieces.  In separate pans saute chicken and vegetables. Once chicken is browned add citrus, orange blossom water and chili sauce and cover to cook five minutes.  Add sauteed vegetables and toss to combine.  Serve over bed of couscous, brown rice or whole wheat pasta.

Hungry Like a Wolf

Hello? Anyone home? People? People?



I know you're in there! HeLLO! I see you!! Open the door! There's a starving dog out here!!



HEY YOU PEOPLE...PEOPLE...DOGS, DOGS ARE OUTSIDE WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN. HUNGRY DOGS. DOGS WHO IF THEY AREN'T FED IN THE NEXT SECOND MAY JUST POSSIBLY HAVE THEIR HEADS EXPLODE! WE'RE HUNGRY HERE. IT'S RAINING. WHY ARE YOU MAKING US SIT IN THE RAIN, STARVING? WE COULD REPORT YOU TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY YOU KNOW. OPEN. THE. DOOR. NOW. WOOF.



Whew, that was close. I need to sit down until my blood sugar regulates.
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With a face like this, how could you do this to me?

This Little Piggy Went to Market...

You may have heard. I’ve been on a quest the last 7 months. A journey unlike I have ever embarked on before. One of self-discovery, a journey of self-discipline. Of mind over matter (when what matters is getting your arse to the gym to run around for an hour at least 5 times a week when your mind is saying why not (?) have that extra bag of 100-calorie cookies); of mindfulness over mindlessness (where one substitutes mindfulness with common sense and mindlessness with eating whatever calorie-rich, chemical-laden, preserved not from nature concoction you’ve just discovered in the not-particularly healthy aisle of the grocery store).

To quote John & Paul - it’s been a long and winding road. Seven months in and I’m almost 50-lbs lighter. “Almost.” It seems when one nears the end of their journey the road becomes more difficult and much more wind-ey. You don’t travel the same distance in the same amount of time you did when you first embarked on the journey. The last few miles seem to be the most difficult because one week you’re gliding down a hill with the vehicle in neutral, going 60-mph (where 60-mph could be substituted with 2.4-lbs per week) and the very next week you’re climbing Mt. Haleakala, full of hair-pin turns and the transmission drops out of your engine block about 2/3s of the way up. I’m just saying. “Almost” is one tough word. So are the last few weeks of “No Crap for Kim, the Redux, Volume IV, Seriously Gonna do it This Time, Get Healthy Because I Don’t Want to be 50 and FAT” weight-loss program.

But today isn’t about how tough the last leg of this journey is becoming. Nope. This is about how freaking fantastic it is to be a “normal” size. A size that does not require shopping in the specialty section of the department store (where the word specialty is substituted by the term “above average” or “plus size” or “additionelle” – how very creative). A size that says “hey, you fit quite comfortably into an airplane seat without the arm-rests digging into your hips that are spilling over into the passenger’s seat beside you”. A size that allows you to run, where once you could only walk and even then, not for very long without being winded. A size that doesn’t have your triple and quadruple chin walking in the door 5-minutes before the rest of your body.

Today, I am a size where I can bend over and paint my own toe-nails.

Did you hear me? I can paint my own toe nails! One little piggy at a time!!!!

Do you realize the freedom in this? The money saving? The “I can paint each toe a different colour and you cannot judge me” of this?? For Kris Kristofferson freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, but for me? Freedom is painting your own toe nails. It’s happiness in a bottle. Of nail polish. That I can apply whenever I want, without appointment.

Bright Lights, Big City

Hello? Is this thing on??

Phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (sound effects of blowing the dust off my blog)

Well, that was a slightly longer than expected intermission, now wasn’t it? I got busy. Something had to give. Unfortunately, it was the writing.

But I’m back!

School is done for this semester. I’m hoping to go back to teaching in the Fall. But who knows what the stars have aligned for my career?

What a school year it was. Highs – being called the best teacher ever(!) by my first group of accounting students. Lows – having a student tell me to fuck off when I asked him for his overdue assignment. Such are the joys of teaching. Some days are diamonds. Some days are stones. Can’t focus too much on the shiny, bright days or the dull, grey days – I’m trying to find a balance somewhere in the middle.

In the meantime, whatcha been up to?

Me? Well, between the two of us, Buzz and I have lost the equivalent of a small child – 100 lbs in total. It’s taken us 7 months to get there, and I have a short way to go before I’m done, but hey, I’m “almost” where I want to be. People keep telling me I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. Want to know a secret? It really hasn’t been work at all. Oh sure, it was at first, trying to figure out what to eat, how much to eat and how much exercise I needed to balance out what I’ve eaten. But the thing is…long about 16 weeks all that hard work just sort of becomes your life. It’s old habit by now.

The best part about it though? Cute clothes. It’s been YEARS since I’ve had cute clothes. Okay, that’s not really true, I’ve always been a stylish dresser, but HEY!! The clothes look so much better when they aren’t made by Omar the Tent Maker and they fit with room to spare, instead of being spray painted on. Some day I’m going to write a blog about how difficult shopping is when you are overweight and the fat lady stores don’t sell anything even remotely cute, so you stuff your overweight ass into clothes that you really don’t fit into very well, but Gawd their cute so you suck your gut in for 8-10 hours a day, all in the name of fashion. Let’s face it. It’s just easier if you don’t gain the weight in the first place and you can buy cute clothes when they’re in style.

So what else?
Oh, yeah, as school has been winding down I’ve been busy obsessing about what I’m going to do when I’m done teaching and so far the list includes things that:
• Feeds my mind - I’m taking my certification in adult education courses at UPEI & Holland College throughout the summer
• Feeds my creativity - I’m going to put my new DSLR camera to the test and then take a spin through my new PhotoShop Elements photo editing suite. Samples of my work coming to my Facebook page soon.
• Feeds my creativity, part II – write, write, write and write. I have a lot to say. It’s practically choking me trying to get out. I’m putting a list together about all the things I can write about.
• Feeds my family – plans for the vegetable garden are already taking shape. Our only hitch is the need for someone to care for it while we’re on vacation this summer – any takers? Free house for you if you’re interested! Comes with two dogs and a garden, all of which will need to be fed on a daily basis, but other than that, can you say “free” vacation on PEI? Seriously, two weeks in July beginning around July 11th.
• Keeps me healthy – BOOTCAMP starts on May 6th. Twice a week I’m going to be “motivated” by some drill-sergeant fitness instructor chasing me around a soccer field getting what’s left of my arse into some semblance of “shape” for summer. Seriously, just trying to kick up my fitness routine a notch. Running on a treadmill is getting seriously boring.
• Blows off the cobwebs – seriously. Spring cleaning is in order - I’m going to pull apart all those places you don’t pull apart on a regular basis and de-cobweb-ify them. Sounds like fun you say? Not so much, but it has to be done and I’ll have the time, so um, yay for me.
• Lighten & brighten – we’re painting the house this summer. Inside and out. And by “we” I mean “I”. I figure it’s a great arm workout, plus the old gal (the house, not me) needs a fresh coat of makeup.
• Gets us off this island – yup, just like the TV show “Lost” we’re stranded on this island in the middle of the Northumberland Strait and we’ve been hatching plans all winter of ways to escape. So far those plans include a quick trip in May to Ontario for a family wedding and then…then my friends? We are WESTWARD HO! We’re taking two weeks in July to return to the mountains in Jasper, attend a wedding in Valemont, visit some family in Kelowna and then…then…we head to … Vancouver …city of my dreams, home sweet home, the place where if not everyone, lots of people know my name and will be happy to see me and meet my husband and share drinks with us on an outdoor patio somewhere. Late July, baby, we’re coming to see you!

I could go on and on, but I just got so excited about that last paragraph and the mere idea of seeing my friends and visiting the city I so very dearly love – well I’ve gotten a bit verklempt and I need to finish this up so…so…

What are your plans for the summer?