Saturday, January 30, 2010

All Aboard!

Regular readers (which I'm hoping are still out there, given that I haven't posted anything in almost a month - damn that accounting course!!) may recall that a few months ago our beastly boy had emergency surgery. As part of his recovery efforts he had to take a few ugly horse pills and while this is the most food motivated dog I've ever known, getting him to take his medicine like a man was asking a bit much after he'd had his neck sliced and diced. So we began disguising his medication in the form of a venison meatball. Twice a day we'd give him a dog food meatball spiked with antibiotics and pain meds and then scoop a spoonful or two on top of his regular dry food to encourage him to keep eating and building his strength. To be fair, of course, we also gave the Gidge a spoonful of the venison treat as well.

Little did we know those few innocent meatballs and spoons full of ground up elk parts would lead us down the tracks to the Gravy Train.

After we were done medicating Snicks I couldn't bring myself to feed him dry dog food for every meal - even though that's what he's eaten for 11 years now. No, because he was a recovering patient, I continued to spike his dry food with something wet and tasty. The extra special venison dog food was like $4 a can - talk about a gourmet treat, so I went in search of a more economical substitute and I found it in the grocery store in the gravy & sauce aisle. For .69 a can I loaded up on cans of Heinz gravy and at breakfast and dinner I spiked both their dishes with a drizzle of gravy - you know, just to keep it interesting.




Well holy smokes. The reaction at meal time from these two animals can only be compared to a meth-addict jonesin' for a fix. Our typical routine is to let the dogs out before their meal and ever since we introduced the two to the joys of the Heinz family of gravies they have never peed faster in their lives. As soon as they're done they're back at the door ready to get on board the Gravy Train. Just as if they were trying to make the 5:15 run from New York to Connecticut, these two race through the house, sliding around the corners, wiping out around the kitchen island, skidding into their bowls, tails wagging, feet flying and tongues drooling at the prospects of the ambrosia in their bowls. Snicks attacks his food like a barbarian while the Gidge acts like the Queen of England, double cutting each slice of kibble to savour every last drop of gravy.

Afterward, bellies full, passed out on the living room floor the two of them snooze the rest of the day away, dreaming about the day they'll be upgraded from gravy to poutine.




Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Resolute

I hate this time of year. Christmas is over...New Year's too and what do we (those of us living north of the 49th parallel) have to look forward to? Four more months of crap weather, little sunshine and if you have the extra special pleasure of living "down east" you have that never-ending-until-I-just-might-go-crazy-because-it's-so-freakin-bitter wind that just never seems to stop blowing.

But I digress. That is not why I hate this time of year.

I hate this time of year because of all those fools out there that suddenly decide NOW, right NOW, one or two days after imbibing copious amounts of alcohol and fat-laden foods for weeks, nay months on end, NOW, is the time to start going to the gym. I think they must be the same people that go to church only Easter and Christmas.

Anyway, who am I to judge who comes to the gym and who takes up space and who doesn't know the basic instructions for getting the eliptical to actually work? Who am I to judge the people that jump on a treadmill WITHOUT SIGNING IN FOR THE MACHINE and then proceed to overstay their allotted twenty-minutes? Who am I to judge the good folks that come to the gym and start (hear me now, I said start) their health regime by attempting to lift 40kgs using nothing but their hamstrings and then watch as they LOUDLY drop the weights because, hey, um, having no muscles and trying to lift 40kgs with only your hamstrings is maybe a bit ambitious? Who, just who am I to judge?

I'll tell you who I am. Just like those nice people that show up at church 52 weekends a year, I'm the person that goes to the gym all year long. I'm the person that knows you need to reserve a treadmill. I'm the person that knows there's a 20-minute limit for using the treadmill. I'm the person that knows how every single one of those freaking machines of torture works and most importantly, I'M THE PERSON WHO CAN'T GET ON ANY OF THOSE FREAKING MACHINES BECAUSE ALL THE NEWLY RESOLVED HEALTH-NUTS ARE MONOPOLIZING THEM!

So, you can see why I hate this time of year?

The good news is that just like the holiday season itself, the "I Resolve to Get Fit in 20___(fill in the blank)" season lasts only about 3 weeks. In a matter of twenty-one short days the "I'm going to be so healthy you won't recognize me because I am so committed to the cause" people will start dropping like cupcakes, until one day I'll show up at the gym and it will be my regular sanctuary of torture.

We've only got 16 more days to go.

I can hardly wait.



Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 The Year that Was

It's almost impossible to escape - the end of the year round-up is on almost every damn tv channel and website I've looked at the last couple of days. So, never one to like being left out, I've created my own 2009 year in review. I started to put a whole list together of high- and lowlights, then I thought it was rather narcissistic of me...so instead, here's a little film that sort of covers our year...from the winter that would not end, to the new winter that's looking just like last year! (As if that isn't equally narcissistic, but hey, if you've got QuickTime player, give it a look!)

Happy New Year! Bring on 2010!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Fore!

For years I've had this tape running circuits in my head. You may have one of your own, but my tape is a total bitch, and for years, she has gotten away with saying things like: "You have no athletic abilities whatsoever. Remember tennis lessons when you were a kid? Oh sure, you say the racquet had a hole in the centre, which is why, when the ball was served to you, it seemed to fly effortlessly right through the centre of your racquet. Oh, and how about that Canada's Fitness Test your gym teachers used to make you take every year...you know, the one that involved running the circumferance of the Peanut Plaza? You remember that don't you? It landed you in the hospital for a week because the Phys Ed teacher didn't believe that you were a severe asthmatic? Or, how about all those classes where you sat on the sidelines watching everyone else run and jump and dribble and pass? That was you, wasn't it, sitting right on the bench in your Betsy-Bloomer gym togs watching? Always on the sidelines...never in the game? I thought so."

Well, people I am here to tell you that voice has now and forever more been SILENCED, for it seems, that at the tender age of too damn close to "mid-century" I have discovered that indeed I do have some athletic abilities. Abilities that involve eye-hand coordination. Me! A gal who always subscribed to the basic theory of golf: if you can't play well, you can at least look good. A person to whom the meaning of eye-hand coordination was some mystery of life to be contemplated, along with the meaning of Pi or the Big Bang Theory.

But. BUT! Long about the time I decided to shed the excess baggage that had become my derriere, I realized controlling what I eat was only part of my weight-loss solution. I was going to have to figure out a way to move it, move it and shake it like a polaroid picture if I wanted to really get in shape. So, I started on the treadmill. Walking. At a slow and leisurely pace. I did that for a while until I realized that that gentle stroll was literally taking me nowhere, and so I ramped it up. I upped the speed at which I walked. And then? Then, I started really shaking things up by jogging in intervals. One minute of running, two minutes of race walking. Guess what happened? My legs got stronger. My lung capacity expanded and hey you mean old battle-axe gym teacher from grade 7 - I'M TALKING TO YOU - I can NOW run! I'm a jogger.

This new found ability to outrun my fat cells does not an athlete make. I know this. I'm not for one second professing to actually think I am fit, or anything. I'm just saying that now that I can run, I actually like to run and hey, guess what? It makes me stronger and more agile and because of that I can now do other things that require some measure of athleticism.

Things like: whip Buzz's ass at Wii sports.

That's right ladies & gents. I am a virtual reality jock.

Santa, in a somewhat passive-aggressive way, hoping to release my husband from the shackles of our sofa after dinner brought Buzz a Wii system for Christmas. Santa wasn't sure how this would go over with Buzz, given how much he enjoys his post-dinner couch surfing, but Santa, being an optimist, went ahead and delivered the game on Christmas morning anyway. It sat unopened for a couple of days and I thought for sure Santa had got this one wrong. Buzz was going to have none of it.

But then, three days after unwrapping it, Buzz decided it was time and so we hooked it up and tried our hand at tennis. Fore-swing, back-hand, overhead lob - I mastered them all. Well, sort of. It seems eye-hand coordination against moving objects is still not my strongest suit, but hey, I could at least make contact, which is a lot more then I can do in the real world! After tennis it was on to boxing and let me just say - I LOVE it when I literally knocked the head off my opponent's body. My mii went all Mickey Rourke on the other guy and I'm here to tell you, three days later my arms still hurt from the pounding I gave.

Once I started, I couldn't give up. I made Buzz play every single game on the system. Up next: bowling; a game I mastered years ago when I bowled in a league in Georgia. I even had my own shoes. Let me tell you - my glutes are still sore from all the lunging I did when releasing my ball.

Next up: golf. When we lived in the mountains Buzz and I would golf on a fairly regular basis. I never won. I simply was incapable of outdriving him and my short game? Forget about it. But in the virtual reality of Wii Golf? Let's just say, Michelle Li doesn't have a thing on me. I kicked Buzz's mii from one end of the course to the other. Victory was mine!

And that's when it first hit me. Perhaps this whole getting fit thing can translate off the treadmill and into the real world some day. Maybe some day I will actually be able to hit a real tennis ball. Or, perhaps some day, on a real golf course I will out-drive the man I married.

Until then...I will be satisfied in knowing that I am now a jock. Albeit a virtual reality jock, but a jock nonetheless.



Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ho!

Remember when I was unemployed? Remember? It wasn't that long ago. Life sure was different back then. Back then, I spent all my time complaining about not having a job, not having enough to do. Back then, all those weeks ago, I had all sorts of leisurely time on my hands to do artistic and creative things - like write this blog daily. Remember those days, people?

Well, those days are most definitely over. Between teaching, planning for lessons, correcting papers, trying to get to the gym 5 times a week, keeping a house clean, attending my weekly Weight Watchers meetings and, oh, ya, trying not to eat the entire fridge in one sitting the week the Snick-dude was flat off his feet with surgery looming...well, suffice it to say, "real" life has gotten in the way of my artistic life the last couple of months.

And so. And so some things got put on the back-burner...like writing this blog. It's not that I didn't want to write or that I didn't have anything to say. Far from it! I get lots of bloggy inspiration coming at me from every facet of my little world here on the island. It's just that now, as a full-time employee I am suffering the fates of everyone else out there that has a job...lack of lazing around time. Do not mistake this for complaining. I'm not. I love my job. I hope my job gets extended well into the future, on an indefinite basis. I love the pay-cheque and what it's doing to our savings account. I love being busy. I love interacting with other adults every day. I love it, love it, love it. I'm just saying, going back to a schedule that involves making choices of how I spend my time is something new to me. It's amazing how in only 2 years of unemployment you can forget how to multi-task!

Other things got moved so far off the burner they're off the stove entirely and I'm sorry to say won't make it back on any time before the holidays get here. And so.

And so, here we are. Five days before Christmas and I have sent narry a holiday greeting. I tried. I thought about it way back in July. I took one of my photographs from last winter and I spent hours and hours designing a card for the holidays. It was beautiful (if I do say so myself)...all red and Christmass-y, with a stunning winter island-scape of a babbling brook just around the corner from our house taken on a brilliant day last March. It had a classic silver holiday tree on the inside and a lovely inscription from Buzz and me. I was so far ahead of the game, I was a little bit smug in my "I so have this Christmas thing figured out this year!" kind of way. I even put it in my calendar for the beginning of November to send to the printers.

But. November came and my contract started. November came and my dog got injured. November came and my beastly boy had surgery. November came and I became a teacher and a nurse all at the same time. And then yesterday I woke up and it was December 19th.

So here we are. Christmas cards are pouring into our mailbox and I haven't so much as licked a stamp. If you've sent us a card this year, but haven't gotten one in return, please don't take it personally. We wanted to send cards. And for those of you who haven't sent us a card this year? Well, we understand. Life gets in the way.

I wanted to attach the digital image of the card I created, but those damn developers at Apple are wise to that trick and won't let me save the card in any format other then their "ready to print and no you can't have it to email or post electronically" file. The Grinch is alive and well and sitting at a MacIntosh somewhere in the Pacific NW.

So, this is the best I could do. It's the same image I took last March, but the card design is nowhere near as beautiful as the one you would have received if I had my act together last month. So, from our house to yours, happy holidays and here's to getting back on the ball next year!


Saturday, November 28, 2009

One Third

Yesterday was a momentous day in the Cameron-Donnelly household.

Yesterday, after 14 weeks of minding my peas & carrots, I achieved my first milestone. I am now more than one-third of the way to my weight-loss goal.

You may think well, what's the big deal about that? I tell you what the big deal is! When you are closing in on the last few years of your fourth decade such as I am, deciding to lose weight is one thing. Actually being able to do it is quite another. After about 20 years of crash dieting, yo-yo dieting and just generally abusing my metabolism, well, my metabolism is fighting back. With a vengeance. Every single one of those little fat molecules that have taken up residence in my ass & thighs is waging all out war. "She's doing it again! She's limiting how much she feeds us! Alert, alert, alert! SLOOOOOOOWWWWWWW DOOOOWWWWWNNNNNN...do not burn food as fuel...resist! Resist! Resist!" They've fought long and hard and so well, I think even Rick Hillier might be proud.

But no more.

Their resistance is starting to falter. Their efforts at sabotage are starting to be all for naught. That's right. Naught. Like, I'm "not" going to let them get the better of me - naught.

Those little fat molecules can fight all they want, but last week I discovered that with a little weapon known as the Stair Master and it's side kick known as lunges & squats, well, I started to work my larger muscles and hey, guess what? Those muscles like to be fed. And, if you're watching how much fat you put in your body and how many calories you consume guess what? Yup, those big muscles start to eat away at those #@&*#%@ fat molecules that have been lounging about taking up space (far too much space) in my pants for far too long.

And so. So, for the past 14 weeks I work-out at least five days a week and perhaps most importantly, if I bite it, I write it. That's a cute way of saying I have to keep track of everything I stick in my pie hole. By the way, pie is no longer welcome in my pie hole. So, every day I think about what I want to eat...what will that add up to and more importantly, if I really want those 3 squares of chocolate for my after-dinner treat, then how much time am I going to have to spend on that G@!&*$$ treadmill to earn the extra special, but certainly most critical especially at certain times of the month after-dinner treat.

14 weeks.

One-third of the way there.

Even the most remedial mathematician (me) can figure out that if it took me 14 weeks to get this far, it'll be at least another 28 to go the other two-thirds of the way. So a total of 42 weeks. Just under a year. 9 months from when I started. 294 days.

But, I think I can do it. It's like running a marathon...some miles are easier than others. Some roads have hills. It's not easy and it most assuredly ain't quick, but I think to myself just how much of a sense of accomplishment I'll have when I cross that finish-line. How good will I feel when I go to Europe next summer sporting a size of clothing I haven't seen since I was in my early 30s. How amazing will it feel to finally say, I don't want to be that overweight person ever again.

It's what keeps me going...I didn't get here overnight and I know finishing this race will happen over time. For once, it's going to pay off to be the turtle in this race!


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Remembering...

On this day of Remembrance when we pause at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month to remember and honour those men and women that serve in our Armed Forces today, tomorrow and yesterday, well, I was at the gym, honouring my two minutes of silence as I stretched out the massive pain in my back from sleeping on the blow up bed the past few nights.

I had three uncles that served in WWII, Bill, Art & Dick Ashby. They were my mother's brothers. Two served for the Canadian Forces and one was a sailor for the US Navy. All of them served overseas and none of them met my mom, their sister, until they were home from the war and she was 5 years old. It was a different time to be sure, but I always think of that on Remembrance Day.

Today is a statutory holiday here on the sandbar. School is out. Businesses are closed. And as much as I take issue with a lot of things that happen here, I like the fact that here, in this place, we stop for one day to respectfully honour the men and women that keep us safe and help make the world a better place...just like Canadians have for over two hundred years.

But while I was at the gym, preparing for my workout, I couldn't help but think about all the strange things I see & overhear there on any given day. Today it happened in the change room. I rounded the corner and as I pushed open the door to the ladies change room I knew it was full of little old ladies who had just finished their aqua-aerobics class. I knew this because one would have to be completely deaf not to hear the cacophony of the hens as they gossiped and giggled. As they were changing from swimsuits to street clothes I noticed two things:

1) One older lady (she is pushing 90 if she's a day) was standing at the mirror dressed only in her old-lady undies (no bra, so boobs hanging lll-ooo-www) with a hair-dryer in each hand blowing her hair dry from both sides. I guess it's more efficient?

2) Around the corner from the dueling dryers are the shower stalls. Both were occupied and while one lady was busily showering away in the far stall, her friend was cheerily standing outside the stall having a conversation with her. You think there's nothing weird about that? How about the fact that the lady outside the shower was standing with her nose about one millimeter away from the shower curtain YELLING her part of the conversation. Maybe you had to be there...but it was odd. And just a little bit funny. Trust me.

Anyway, the ladies were all in a rush to get to our Cenotaph for the 11am service. So, good for them for squeezing in a workout and still making it to the parade on time. Me, I made it out in time to drive right into the parade route and salute our soldiers at the Charlottetown Armoury as I made my way home, listening to the CBC and the tribute from Ottawa.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

- John McCrae