Just Shove(l) It

It's supposed to snow today in the Maritimes. Yes. It's only Oct. 21st and we can expect our first "significant" snowfall. Oh joy.

A couple of weeks ago while listening to the island's evening news broadcast the weatherman, "Boomer" Gallant (that's his real name folks), informed us that there's an old island saying that goes something like this: "Rain in the Fall means no Winter at all."

It's been pouring for weeks here and I'm guessing old Boomer's got it wrong if we're expecting snow in October and thus an early start to winter.

Time to dust off the shovel.

Redemption

Just because I haven't been writing as often as I usually do doesn't mean I'm lost for something to say. Oh, ye of little faith - you should know me better than that!

So here's a little update:

The Great Turkey Disaster of 2009

If you missed the original story you can read about it here. It was less a disaster and more like a massacre. Seriously. Upon further research and reflection we discovered what we had done wrong. No, it wasn't too much salt. In fact, we had every single ingredient for the brine correct. Well, except for one. The recipe called for a cup of brown sugar and my husband being my husband, and that is a man who worships all things savory but not sweet, insisted we not include the brown sugar because hey! HEY! He didn't want a sweet bird! So, okay, we left out the brown sugar. Guess what adding brown sugar does to a brine? That's right people, it helps to balance out the salt. Ahem. So yes, the great turkey disaster was our own damn fault. Oops.

To rub salt into the wound (ahem), last night Buzz informed me that although he likes the occasional drumstick, really? Really, he prefers the things you can make from the leftover turkey than the actual turkey dinner itself. People, we've had turkey every Thanksgiving and Christmas since I've known the man and I'm only learning this little tidbit now? Now?

At the end of the day, that salty bastard of a turkey did redeem itself...in a big pot of turkey barley soup and last night in a decadent but not fattening turkey pot pie. I followed the WeightWatchers recipe to the "t" but omitted any reference to salt and guess what? It was delicious. And by using no-fat condensed milk, it was thick and creamy and rich, but NOT fattening. Oh the joy!

I Said Doctor....

Remember last week when I was lamenting here about the health care system here on the sandbar and how it's been two years of living without a family doctor? Remember saying how frustrated I was? And the lengths I'm going to in order to secure medical treatment for my long-suffering, but quintessentially male husband who, when I try to get to see a doctor I think it would be easier to get healthcare reform through the US Senate then to get my man on an examination table? Well, guess what? Soon, his ass will be draped in a tiny white gown sitting on a cold slab of paper because ladies and gentlemen, this weekend I received a letter in the mail from the department of health informing me that our file has been sent to Dr. Jamal who will gladly see us for an interview for family doctor. That's right folks, my plea to "Janice" seemed to have worked. Or maybe it was because "Janice" was so mortified at "Claire's" initial response to me that she felt the only way to rectify the situation was to assign us to a doctor, but I DON'T CARE because WE WILL SOON HAVE A DOCTOR!

I don't really know how else to end this other than to say...it's about damn time some things started turning around on this island. Hopefully this is just the first step. The next step would be for me to have a full-time job. Would I be tempting Fait too much by asking for one more favour? Just one!

Doctor Doctor Give me the News!

I finally reached it. The end of my rope. For over 8 months I've been walking around with a hitch in my get-along - a pain deep in the nether regions of my Soaz, that because no pain ever wants to hurt alone, ignited an ache deep in my Iliotibial Band that runs the length of my left thigh. Add to that a healthy dose of searing pain in my lower back, upper butt region and you've got an ache that can only be quenched with a cocktail of Extra Strength Tylenol, an anti-inflammatory med and an almost daily round of stretches that, while offering temporary relief, never really seem to fix what's ailing me. Ouch-ee-wa-wa is all I can say.

I finally reached my tipping point on Tuesday after a weekend of sucking back over the counter pain meds like they were Hallowe'en candy. It was time. I figured I should see someone about it.

Of course since we live on a sandbar in the middle of the Northumberland Strait we don't actually have a family doctor. So, rather than sit in the walk-in clinic for 3 or 4 hours before seeing a doc in a box, I decided to call a chiropractor. There was no science in how I chose my chiropractor. There are only 4 to choose from on the whole island. So I picked the guy closest to both school and the gym and rang him up. He was able to fit me in the next day. Imagine that.

So, I went to visit this guy who, after a thorough review of all things achey, diagnosed me with all sorts of things that would be easily taken care of with some stretching, a few adjustments, getting hooked up to some electrodes for a few shots of electricity to the affected area and, best of all the "thumper" a bit of a vibrator on steroids that pounds your affected areas into submission. As in most things it has to get worse before it gets better and so when I left his office yesterday I felt battered and bruised and thought if this was "better" it couldn't get much "worse".

But here's the thing. While I was laying on the table with the Chiropractor draped across me, adjusting my less than cooperative spine, we were having a lovely conversation about the state of healthcare on this island and the fact that I do not have a family doctor. He was appalled when he heard that we've been on the waiting list for two years and still no doctor. Being a helpful kind of guy he offered up a suggestion for getting one. He told me to do what he did when he came back to PEI. He called the department of health every week for almost 3 months until he became such a nuisance they gave him a doctor.

I thought to myself "I can do that. I can be a pain in someone's ass." And so motivated by his story I went straight home and hauled out the phone book.

After a brief wait on hold, where you don't actually know if you're on hold because there's no music or message, I was connected with Claire. Claire sounded like a pleasant enough lady when she introduced herself. In turn, I introduced myself by saying I was inquiring about my status on the wait list as I've not heard anything since enrolling two years ago. Her reply: "You're probably exactly where you were when you signed up."

Are you kidding me?

Two years of going to the walk in clinic and seeing a different doctor every time. Two years of putting off going to the doctor because I didn't have half a day to sit in an office waiting room in the hopes of being seen before they close for the day. Two years of Buzz hobbling around on one leg because his arthritis and bursitis in the other one was so bad he could barely stand on it, yet, when he'd go to the walk-in clinic he'd barely be prescribed an anti-inflammatory before being pushed back out the door. Two years of wondering what my hormone levels are, because without a family doctor here one cannot have blood work done. Two years of listening to Buzz's snoring get so bad that I think he's choking in his sleep, but yet, cannot do anything about it because in order to see a sleep specialist one has to be referred by a family doctor. Two years of wondering if that spot that showed up on Buzz's forehead last spring is something to worry about.

Two years. And this was the answer I got?

Those of you that know me well can only imagine my response. Oh I was calm. I was cool. I was very clear with Claire that her answer was in no way appropriate and that I wanted to speak with her supervisor.

After a bumbled apology of "I don't mean to be flip" Claire connected me with her supervisor who, upon hearing the story uttered a more acceptable apology on behalf of her subordinate and then offered me a suggestion. She suggested that I reapply for my status on the wait list. "What will that do?" I asked. "Oh, depending on what the issue is, they may elevate your case and assign you a doctor right away."

So while I waited for Janice to pick up the line I was scrambling to think of an illness that was severe enough to get us the attention of a family doctor, but not catastrophic enough that we should have sought treatment at the emergency room, in the absence of a family physician. This is the part of the story where I introduce Buzz's career-altering leg injury. The kind that has been treated to no avail at the walk-in clinic. The kind that might just cost him his job if he's not given proper, effective treatment.

It's not a total lie. He is suffering. He has been in severe pain every day for the last six months. One leg is larger than the other because it's constantly swollen. So, no, it won't cost him his job, but I'm here to tell you if we can't get the basic care of a family doctor here soon, it will impact our desire to stay here on the sandbar.

So. Now I sit and wait. I sit and wonder. Was my story good enough? I won't know unless I hear from a doctor's office. That's how it works. Janice would plead my case to her manager. The manager would decide if it was worthy of being assigned a doctor. If it is, they won't call me back to let me know. They'll send our file to a doctor's office and the doctor's office will contact us when they can see us. That's how it works here.

I hope my argument was successful. If it wasn't I'm calling back next week. And next week my issue will be something like I'm showing the signs of diabetes. Or perhaps Buzz will develop another rare but chronic disease. Whatever the case, I will become such a large pain in someone's ass they'll need a team of chiropractors to fix what ails them.

Breaking with Tradition

I've never really been much of a traditionalist. I mean, when all my friends were going off to post-secondary school I went to work. And as often as I was a bridesmaid in my 20s and 30s I waited until I was almost through my 40s before I took my own long walk down the aisle. If there was a hard way or easy way to do something, 9 times out of 10 I chose the hard way. It's just the way I'm wired.

So this time of year, when everyone's traditionally busy gathering with their families and celebrating all that they're thankful for, I've usually been on an airplane to some far reaching destination in search of a cheap getaway, a couple of thrills and a swim-up bar. Not this year though. This year, Buzz and I decided that although we have no family here on the island, that wouldn't keep us from enjoying a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. You know, turkey, root vegetables, home baked pies. The whole she-bang. Because, you know, if we waited until we had family with us, we'd never do anything here on the sandbar.

So we planned and plotted the whole meal. Buzz's big request was for root vegetables. Smelly, nasty root vegetables. Turnips and parsnips. I happily complied and it wasn't until I was at the Superstore and scouring the vegetable aisle that I realized for the first time that rutabegas and turnips are the same thing. Who knew? Not me, and did I feel stupid when I asked the store's vegetable guy where I could find turnips and he quietly informed me that I was standing right in front of them. That's how often I cook these things. My lesson? A turnip by any other name still stinks when you boil it.

In the grand scheme of things the smelly turnips & parsnips where a highlight of the meal.

Earlier in the week we stumbled across a little TV show called Chef at Home where the host (and local island chef) was lauding the joys of a turkey that was first brined before being roasted. Buzz and I looked at each other and said "Hey! We should do that!" The recipe was simple enough - two pounds of seasalt and about 10 gallons of water with the turkey immersed in the solution for twenty-four hours prior to roasting and you would enjoy a succulent, juicy, flavourful turkey for your Thanksgiving feast.

Ahem.

Before I get to the great turkey massacre of 2009 let me tell you about my potatoes. We don't eat potatoes very often here. We're more like rice or couscous people. But it's a freakin' potato, so what could go wrong you might very well ask? Plenty! Especially if you decide that in order to add a little flavor you combine a few teaspoons of sour cream to the mashed potatoes. And if I had just stopped at mashing I'm sure they would have been perfect. But I didn't stop at the mashing. No. Being a gooor-may, I decided to whip out the immersion blender and proceeded to pulverize the potatoes. And did you know that if you combine a starchy vegetable like a potato, with high-fat sour cream and a 1000-rpm immersion blender you end up with a glob of home-made glue? That's the secret recipe people! I've been cooking for Buzz for over 3 years now...breakfasts, lunches, dinners. He is a charter member of the clean plate club. But not tonight. Tonight, even Buzz couldn't choke down the potato glue on his plate. He decided that if he was going to crap again this week he best not bung his entire system up with potato glue.

Now, a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner must include all the fixings like cranberry sauce and gravy, right? I was going to make a home-made cranberry sauce using a recipe from this same TV chef, but once I realized I could buy a can of the no-name stuff for about a tenth of what it would cost to create my own recipe from scratch, I decided we weren't too good for canned cranberries.

But! We were definitely too good for canned gravy so as the turkey was resting and the turnips were boiling I set about making the gravy. I did it exactly the way I've seen my mom, my friend's moms, my mother-in-law and my aunts do it time and time again. I made a slurry with flour and water from the giblets, combined with the drippings from the turkey pan and began whisking in water from the vegetables. This was when I had my first indication that something might be up with the turkey. When I dipped my spoon into the gravy to taste-test for seasoning I about choked. Up until this point I had not added any seasoning - no salt, no pepper, nothing - just simply giblet water, vegetable water, flour and pan drippings. The cows in our neighbour's field would have loved the gravy - that's how closely it resembled a salt-lick.

"HOLY Shit!" I hollered to Buzz. "If the turkey is a salty as the gravy is, we've got a problem!"

While I continued trying to save the gravy (I threw a piece of potato in to try to absorb some of the salt), Buzz began to dismember the bird. You know those beautiful Butterball TV commercials where the platter of turkey is a golden brown, glistening ball of turkey goodness? Ours - not so much. I followed the cooking instructions of 12 minutes per pound (so for an 11-pound bird I roasted it for 2.5 hours) but this time, this time? Instead of smooth slices of moist turkey meat ours came off in something I will generously call bite-sized chunks.

It seemed the Brining had not only added "flavour" it also robbed our bird of any hope of moisture and juiciness it might have otherwise had if I had simply rubbed it's little body with salt & pepper and shoved an onion up its wazzoo and stuck it in the oven. No, people, our turkey dinner featured a dry, haggard old salty bastard of a bird that I'm hoping will redeem itself when I put it in soup tomorrow.

But I'm not done...oh no! Just like those Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock our traditional Thanksgiving dinner also featured corn. Okay, so ours was frozen corn, but still corn none-the-less. And you know what? That's right! I wrecked the corn too! I put it the microwave not only too long, but without enough water. So you know what I ended up with? Damn near popcorn is what I ended up with.

If there is one thing I could say was a huge success it would have to be the apple gallette I made with apples we picked today at a nearby orchard. Think of it, folks. At one o'clock today those apples were all still on trees and by seven o'clock tonight they were in a tart that was so damn good, I should have just had that for our traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

You know, I take great pride in being a good cook. Friday night I made an outstanding pork tenderloin with a mushroom risotto recipe I made up on the spot. It was delicious. I made chili con carne for dinner yesterday that included smokey chipotle peppers and three kinds of beans and was so flavourful I thought I could open my own cantina here on the island. Let's don't even talk about my interpretation on oven fried chicken.

But, ask me to create a traditional meal that cooks on this island have been making since time immemorial and I can't even get the potatoes right. I've already advised Buzz that if we're home for Christmas he's in charge of dinner, because this traditional stuff? It's not my thing.

Mitchell the Underwear Sniffer

We have a rule in our household - no movies, TV shows or books about dogs. I've told you all this before but Ole Yeller ruined it for me when he got into a tussle with another animal and had to be put down rather unexpectedly toward the end of the book. I was 8 or 10 at the time and it absolutely slayed me. I was a heaping mess of tears and that was it. Done. No more. Never. I vowed from that day forward no more stories about dogs.

Benji? Nope. Not a chance. Those Bethoven movies about that big old slobbery Bernese Mountain Dog? Uh-uh. Marley & Me? No freakin' way.

Oh sure, I read the book Marley & Me but I did so through a cloud of tears. Tears of laughter. Tears of sadness. Tears all the way through the book. One painfully funny page after another. So, no. I did not watch the movie when it came out last year and despite Buzz asking me every single time we go to the video store, we have not rented the DVD either. Rules are rules!

Today, when I logged on to Facebook I was sideswiped again when I read a status update that said beautiful Mitchy Goodspeed passed away today at the age of 15. And once again, there I was with a mess of tears running down my face. This wasn't any fictionalized dog. This was a real pet of a family that's like family to me and my family. He was a lovely, lovely boy.

Mitchy was a great dog. A Cairn Terrier by birth with an old soul and more people skills then many people I know. He loved to climb onto the couch and lay across the back of it surveying his domain from on high. I guess when you're only 7 or 8 inches tall, getting a little high is a good thing. He was Paul's constant companion - wherever Paul was, Mitch wasn't too far behind.

Although he was the boy dog of the family, he really was a bit of a wuss. No-one, other than my Snickers was more afraid of thunderstorms than Mitchy. I will never forget a summer visit to Four Winds cottage at Loon Lake and spending the entire first evening searching high and low, under the cottage and behind bushes , in trees, under canoes, looking for one little boy-dog who had vanished in advance of an on-coming storm. That night I wasn't sure he'd come home...but after hours and hours of calling him, and very nearly giving up hope, he waddled up behind Rosie as though nothing had ever been wrong, wondering what all the fuss was about.

Mr. Mitch was king of the castle, second only to her highness Miss Megan. Both were served better food then I often serve my husband. I'm so not kidding. This past summer at a return visit to Four Winds I learned the secret dog food recipe that included garlic and chicken, rice and vegetables. The savoury scent of it cooking on the stove was enough for us to go looking for a mid-afternoon snack. And this was dog food!

As we all do when we get older, Mitch started slowing down the last few years. He liked his "alone time." This summer his alone time included spending countless hours in our bedroom at the cottage, lying with his face buried in Buzz's underwear. We never really knew what the attraction was, but every time he disappeared for any length of time that's were we found him - in the closet on the floor inhaling Eau de Buzz Butt.

He was a faithful and loyal companion. Much loved by everyone in his family. He had a great life, with a great family who I know are missing him so very much today. Rest in Peace Mitchy!

The Most Popular Buttertarts on the Web

In this little hobby of mine called blogging I find the way people find my blog to be absolutely fascinating. Some of you come here because you know me or are related to me or know someone that knows me, so there's a common thread and it makes sense that you might check in every once in a while to see what I'm writing about. But it's the group of people that don't know me that I always wonder how did you find my blog? Did you stumble across a link to my blog on another site? Did someone recommend it to you? Are you a Blogger.com reader and did you find my blog in their directory? Or some other webring that I linked in to?

Maybe.

But mostly? Mostly new people find my blog with a Google search. And do you know the most popular search that leads people that I don't know to my blog is for? Buttertarts. Yes, folks. There are lots and lots and lots of people around the globe searching for something to do with buttertarts (a recipe, I'm sure) and inevitably they land on my blog. All because of this one post back in July. Check out the original entry here: Ode to the Buttertart

Who knew?

Smart, Talented, EMPLOYED! (Not Me)

So tonight I was reading my Facebook when I came across a posting from a very excited cousin who reads my blog (hi Meredith!) announcing to all her friends that she's now an EMPLOYED third grade teacher!

My first reaction? I'm embarrassed to say it wasn't "congratulations - you've worked hard to get where you are and the kids will LOVE you." Nope, not that. Nor was it "Well, way to go! Your brilliance has shone through and now you're a full-fledged teacher." No, it wasn't that either. And it surely wasn't "WOW! Those kids are so LUCKY to have you as their new teacher!". Sadly, none of these were my first reaction.

Instead, my first thought was "well, at least those 3rd graders won't show up still drunk or reeking of booze the way my class did this morning." Seriously, out of 17 students at my 9 o'clock class four no-showed, seven were late, and six of those were either still drunk or so seriously hungover they could not sit up straight at their desks. And this is supposed to be "adult education."

Anyway, I DO wish Meredith great success as she embarks on her teaching career. She has worked long and hard to get her assignment and those kids ARE lucky to have her as their teacher. And lucky for her, there's no way her under-age drinkers could ever get served!