GNAT Leg 5 - The Sequel

There are many reasons why I adore my husband, but perhaps one of the biggest reasons is that no matter how I feel about myself or what weight I currently sit at he loves me just the way I am, without question.

So yesterday we’re making our way to Strasburg, PA and all the way along this trip we’ve been talking about things you can expect to find in Pennsylvania.  One of those things is Pennsylvania Dutch Apple Pie and another is traditional Amish ShoeFly Pie.  Oh, and rolling farmland, and the quaint Amish riding around in their horse-drawn buggies, yada, yada ,yada, blah, blah, blah. 

So, after 12 hours in the car we’re pulling into Strasburg and the one whom I adore looks over at me and says:

“Let’s have Apple Pie.   For dinner!”  And I’m all…”um, for dinner?”  And he’s all “Yeah!  For Dinner!”

I just looked at him and said, “You know I’ve been complaining about the size of my ass this whole vacation and you want me to eat pie for dinner?”

And he says “But honey, we’re on vacation!” 

Well, we rolled in too late to have pie for dinner but after staying here for the night:

And encountering these fine creatures on the way to the All You Can Eat Buffet Breakfast Included for FREE In Your Room Rate:

Oh, and after having my photo snapped with this handsome man:

We sat down to breakfast where I enjoyed a bowl of fruit and a biscuit while I watched the one whom I adore partake in some ShoeFly Pie…and a new discovery called Whoopie Pie – for BREAKFAST.

Now, who wouldn't love a man like that?

GNAT - Leg 5 - East Bound & Down

Okay, this blog entry was going to be all about the beautiful drive we had today through northern Tennessee, Kentucky horse country, the mountains of West Virginia and the rolling foothills of Pennsylvania.  But then we arrived at our hotel for the evening and I changed my mine….read on to understand why.

For those of you who know the one whom I adore, you’ll know he has a nickname, given to him by his father and aptly fitting, none other than “Donk”.  It’s not hard to imagine what this is short for, but for those of you that don’t regularly play Jeopardy, it’s short for Donkey.  Which he has been occasionally known to resemble.

Today the one whom I adore drove 8 of our 12-hour drive from Nasvhille, TN to Ronk, PA.  Yes, that’s right.  Tonight Donk sleeps in Ronk.

Once upon a time, when we were relocating from the Rockies to the Maritimes we drove cross-country from Calgary to Charlottetown and every 10 or 12 hours or so we’d pull into a hotel for the night.  Our hotel choices were limited:  1)  they had to take dogs as Thing I and Thing II were traveling with us and 2) they had to meet whatever other criteria the one whom I adore used in making his hotel choices. 

One of those choices was a Days Inn somewhere outside of Minneapolis, MN.  The level of skankiness cannot be adequately described here, but suffice it to say, I’m pretty sure those were chicken bones under the bed that the dogs found.  So needless to say, since then I’ve been a little leary about the one whom I adore making any of our travel plans.

But this trip, I thought, hey, we don’t have the dogs, our hotel choices are less limited and so, with little trepidation, I left the hotel-making decisions up to the one whom I adore.  Note to self, next time, I find the hotels. 

You see, tonight we’re staying at the Hershey Farm Inn.  Operative word here is FARM.  It was described on-line as “uniquely rustic”.  Well holy shit.  Those damn marketers and their creative license.  Our “uniquely rustic” guest room is in what they creatively call the carriage house.  You and I might call it a barn.  We have a gigantic Amish farmer standing outside our uniquely rustic guest room.  I’m pretty sure he’ll be there in the morning and I’m going to ask him to have his picture taken with me.

Anyway – we’re here.  We made it.  Tomorrow’s journey will take us into the Mystic…and hopefully, a four-star hotel.  If he knows what’s good for him.

"Uniquely Rustic" = Former Horse Barn

In-room entertainment.  Notice my very cute new Prive shoes?  Snappy, aren't they?

After 12-hours behind the wheel

Havin a Time in Tennessee

It's hard to believe today is  our last day in Tennessee where we've dodged flying trees, visited with The King, toured the Jack Daniel Distillery, hung with Barney Fife & the Dukes of Hazard, not to mention Waylon, Willie & The Boys.  It's been an action-packed, fun-filled week here in the south where the only thing higher than the humidity was me on the 12th anniversary of my 35th birthday after drinking two margaritas.

Tomorrow we embark on Leg 5 of GNAT and make our way through Kentucky horse country into Pennsylvania Dutch Country where we hope to find some of that famous Dutch Apple Pie before making tracks to the coast of New England and eventually home.

Barney Fife's Police Car and Bo Duke's General Lee

Me and the one whom I adore sightseeing in Twisted Fork

Everything in the south comes with a side of baked beans.  Lunch in Lynchburg also came with a side of country music

Look closely - it's really a duck jonesin' for a hit of whiskey at Jack Daniel's Still House

Well, I'm glad we've got that cleared up

On This Day in History

Today is my birthday!  Woo Hoo!  The 12th anniversary of my 35th birthday.  It's going to be an amazing year for moi who started celebrations with breakfast cake, or as our family calls it "ooey-gooey".  I still have my hopes set on a chocolate cake covered with coconut, but both the one who adores me and the one who gave birth to me have both indicated I shouldn't hold my breath.

Okay, so whatever.  No cake for me.  But there will be MEXICAN food tonight!  Bring on the beans!

I think the 12th anniversary of my 35th birthday will bode well for me.  Today's horoscope says so:

Today's Birthday (May 25)

You make the sacrifices necessary to be successful in love (you bet I did).  It may be necessary to cut back on some of your workload (you bet I have) in order to have more time to spend with loved ones, but you're willing to do what it takes to make relationships strong (you bet I am).  July brings a windfall (I'm pretty sure that's when we'll win the lottery).  A new vista opens to you in September (perhaps from our villa in Tuscany that we'll purchase with our lottery winnings?).  Capricorn and Sagitarius adore you (I know he does!).  Your lucky numbers are 4, 44, 30, 17 and 41.  Those will be the numbers we play in every upcoming lottery for the foreseeable future!

Happy Birthday to Me!

GNAT - Leg 4 - 2000 Miles to Graceland

He’s been known to make women faint, swoon, cry and get the vapors, but for me, going to see all things Elvis just gave me sweaty thighs. 

Good thing his airplane, The Lisa Marie, had floor vents.

Our visit to Graceland was a must-see on our GNAT the Tennessee Edition.  Only 210 miles from Nashville (so how could we not continue on?) we parked our cranberry cruiser in front of the Heartbreak Hotel and commenced on an afternoon of all-things-Elvis.  The mansion (not so much a mansion as a 2500 sq. foot house), the car museum, a tour of duty with Private Presley and a walk aboard the Lisa Marie and it’s sister gulf stream jet capped off a hot & humid day in Memphis.

I'm pretty sure when Elvis bought Graceland it was somewhere out in the country on the outskirts of Memphis.  Today, Graceland sits in the heart of commercialized Memphis complete with gas stations, fast food joints, souvenir shops, cheap motels and six lanes of very busy traffic crowding her borders.  But, once you enter the gates of the property you are transported into another world....the world of ELVIS!

Exterior of the mansion

Who knew that a man with so many vocal talents could have so few design talents?  Consider this, one of the more tastefully decorated rooms, the front sitting room comes complete with peacocks and an 18-foot sofa.

Front sitting room

The last time we were in the home of a king it was King Louis XIV and the home was the Palace at Versailles.  And just like when we were in the hall of mirrors at Versailles we took our picture together in the hall of mirrors at Graceland.  Yes, we are two tacky tourists.  (Note the expression on the one whom I adore's face)

Hallway mirror

Perhaps the biggest shocker on the design-front was the pool room.  Imagine a room completely draped in fabric.  Floor to ceiling.  Ceiling to floor.  Fabric.  And not just any old fabric.  But fabric with a pattern that if you looked at it too long, you were pretty sure you'd swallowed a qualude or two (not that I would really know what that's like, but I can imagine it).  The same fabric covered the table tops, clashed with the carpet and definitely clashed with the tiffany style lights over the pool table.  Holy smokes.

Pool Room

Real Men Wear Suits

You know how you go to these exhibits and you're shocked at how small celebrities really are?  Well, the shocking thing for me was that Elvis was actually a NORMAL sized person!  He wasn't too tall.  He definitely wasn't too short.  He was normal.  After visiting Graceland though, I now believe that his normal size was probably the only thing that was normal about this man.

Wall of Gold Records

Sort of says it all, doesn't it?

GNAT - Leg 3 - It's SUPERIOR!

Leg 3 of GNAT (Grand North American Tour) took us west to the home of the King of Rock n Roll.  We were walkin' in Memphis, on Beale Street specifically when it hit us.  We had organized our one day to Memphis in the wrong order.  We planned a quicky lunch at this FABULOUS restaurant on Beale Street then an afternoon visiting the King of Rock & Roll.  But who knew the place we had googled for best ribs in Memphis was so cool?  I'm not talking kinda cool, I'm talking flat out, fun to be had, good eats to be ate, crazy kinda of cool.  And we were only there for lunch.  

Turns out this smokin' little rib joint is housed in the former high school of none-other than the King Himself.  So aside from having an outstanding meal and genuine southern hospitality, we also got a start on our king of rock n roll themed afternoon, because who knew(?) The King went to school here?  

So if you make it to Memphis make sure to make a stop at 159 Beale Street.  Tell Michael the Doorman that we sent you and tell the owner Danny you found out about his restaurant on the inter-web!

GNAT Leg 2 - In the Garden of Good & Evil

Just like everything else in our life, our vacation has thus far been action packed.  First there was The Thing That Happened From New Hampshire To Boston…which with the perspective of a few days and considering recent events now rivals The Garden of Good & Evil Incident.

Our first day in Nashville got underway as we expected…a lazy morning, breakfast on the patio alternately listening to the birds and the traffic of the freeway which is mere blocks from Mom’s house.  Birds, traffic, traffic, birds.  Very peaceful. 

A quick trip to the local Kroger for some American groceries (we love foreign grocery stores!) and to stock up on much needed beer we were back home in time to catch the high noon rays in the back yard.  A tour of the gardens, inspecting the carrots that are just starting to pop their heads up through the soil and lounging lazily reading the latest Bernie Madoff article in Vanity Fair made up our afternoon.  While David toiled away up in his second story office the three of us rotated our chairs around the yard to best capture both shade & sun.

With the deafening sound of gunfire or fireworks (I wasn’t sure which) suddenly Mom who had the perfect vantage point was screaming RUN, RUN, RUN!  I looked up but couldn’t see anything through the patio umbrella, so like a lump on a log, I just sat there.  Thank God the one whom I adore has cat-like reflexes because at the shrieking of my mother, he did exactly what she said and he ran…thankfully in the right direction…Just as this happened...

Yes, that’s their neighbor’s 70-foot tree now lying prostrate across the yard.  Mere inches away from where Mom & the one whom I adore sat not minutes before.

This is the chair mom had been sitting a half hour before.  You will notice the wrought-iron chair is missing, oh a back and an arm.  This is not part of the original design.  This is complements of a 7-story tree landing on it.  

This is the apple tree the one whom I adore was sitting beneath 45-minutes before.

You will notice that no, that is not Johnny Appleseed's handy work splitting the tree in half down the middle.  Yes, it is the work of the tree from hell.

Three of us and two dogs narrowly escaped injury, but not the subsequent heart attack that ensued when we realized just how close we had come to being crushed under the weight of that old dead tree. 

Suffice it to say, happy hour started a bit earlier that day.